In the title, I have reversed the words in a common phrase. It is intentional. As Mothers’ Day approaches a lot of women (and perhaps men also) load their hearts with negative emotions and lock them into place. I know I did until years after my mother’s death.

It always took me a long time in the card aisle to find a card to attach to a present for her. The cards were too sappy and I knew that no matter what I bought her, it would not be acknowledged. Instead I would endlessly hear what extravagant gift my cousin gave her. Once I asked my mother if she had received my gift. She said,”Oh, yes,” and continued what she had been saying.

Going through her things after her death, I found my gifts still in boxes stacked in a corner of a closet. The last time that I saw her she was in a convalescent hospital bed. As I reached the door to leave, she called my name and I turned to look at her. She said,”I love you.” I smiled and thought, “Do you even know what love means?” Then I left.

At this point, some would think, “How could you have been so callous?” Well, after every interaction with my mother, I would search my soul but end up telling God, “You must know that I can’t act differently after all she has done to me.”

It took years to heal from the anger against my mother. Then one day I was ready to confess to God, “I could have acted lovingly towards my mother if I had drawn on Your strength to do it. But I didn’t want to. It was my way of punishing her.” I’m sorry that I let God down. I missed opportunities to show my mother the true nature of God.

So why am I sharing this with you now? One day this week I watched as a female bird teaching a fledgling to fly. The mature bird flew into the glass of my sliding door and fell to the deck. The chick looked on from a deck railing, peeped and nodded its head from side to side, finally flying down to the injured bird and nudging it gently with its beak and then flying back to the railing. It became obvious to me the downed bird was dying and a scrub jay was on a railing ready to pounce on it, so I rushed to get a dust pan, scooped up the dying bird and took it to the garage to die in peace. On my way there I thought, “She never got a chance to teach her little bird to fly.”

As I go to church tomorrow, on Mothers’ Day, I’m praying that the sermon will emphasize what a privilege it is to have a part in launching a child into the world and that it will be congratulatory of those who do. I thank God for that chance but I know that I could not have done it without Him.